what is now

i’ve been contemplating today. ooooh i’ve got thoughts cooking. but mostly i’m thinking, what is my life right now? i’m in college. i have two more years of plans and that’s it. what’s next? but more importantly,

what is now?ย 

what are the things that i’m supposed to be learning today? what is it that is going to take four years (other than math and geology and PR and accounting) for the Lord to teach me? how much longer than four years will it take? i mean truly,ย 

what is now?ย 

i am happy with the life i live. i have no complaints. i have regrets, but i’ve learned from them. for the most part, i’m enjoying the lessons i’m learning. but there’s always the thoughts in the back of my head, “what is next and what does the future look like? can’t i just have a timeline of my life so i’ll know?” wouldn’t that be nice? but i should be asking,

what is now?

am i open to the hard and scary lessons that the Lord is teaching me? i want to soak up these last two years of my predictable life. most people tell me that the college years are the best years of your life, and i want to really live in that. i want to be spontaneous, i want to take risks, i want to stay up late, i want to be successful with school but not consumed by it. i want to make friendships that make me laugh and challenge me. i want to see something new each day. i want to talk to people i’ve never spoken to before. i want to be in the now. sometimes i have a hard time finding the answer to

what is now?ย 

but i realize, that now is happening. when i wonder, i just look around. now is that i’m studying for a math exam, but i’m prepping for homecoming later and getting dinner with a friend after that. now is the everyday. now is that each day i realize that i’m so broken, but so whole when i find myself in Him. now is that i’m sinful but caught up in so much grace that my sin is not even remembered by my Father.ย 

thank you, Jesus that you have given me now. there has to be aย nowย for there to be aย future.

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